1.

Hello, lovely people. Welcome to The Floating Banana Chronicles, a veritable feast of worthless shite written solely for the pleasure of your retina. My name is Elmundigor and I am your host and narrator. Here is a picture of me circa 1985. It was taken by a stranger using some sort of disposable Nikon camera.


I have since undergone extensive cosmetic surgery, which has rendered me completely unrecognisable from the image above. Although my new face has left me without my former powers of sexual magnification, it has kept me safe from the evil forces of Count Vodukoolor and his dirty minions. The Count's plan to destroy planet Earth is now in the final phase of its dastardly journey. Whilst we all wait helplessly for this despicable turn of events to occur, I shall try to keep you up to date with the latest news and celebrity gossip.......HOT, STEAMING, FRESH! Until that day, "conquistador velente" or goodbye.