KENNETH'S ANGER

Boom boom boom! Bang bang bang! Kenneth's wife was at it again; dressing up as Paul McCartney and playing the drums badly during rehearsals for her Wings tribute band's performance at the Royal Dune Inn on Sadavost Street. "Why do they have to bloody do it whilst the match is on?" thought Kenneth to himself. He kicked Russell the dog for a bit of short term anger release. "Bloody Vivian and her crap Wings tribute band" thought Russell the dog. "It's always me who ends up with a sore behind. Life's just not fair! It wouldn't be so bad if she could actually play the drums, or maybe even looked a little bit like Paul McCartney. What a monumental waste of space!" Unfortunately, the next door neighbour's black cat got bitten in a symbolic act of vengeance against Russell's master's wife's awful acts of inhumanity against the glorious songs of McCartney's Wings, especially Mull of Kintyre. Vivian's thin vocals just couldn't handle the majestic complexity of Macca's fruity whine on that one.

"Far have I wandered and much have I seen
Dark distant temples in colours of green
Fast tainted desserts, the sun sets on fire
As he carries me up to the Mall of Kantyre."

The black cat was by now properly miffed at the biting it had received from that drunken lout Kenneth's miserable swine of a dog. "A cat as pure and beautiful as I does not merit such unwanted thuggish behavior from low-life, common, BBC watching filth like that lot next door. They'll rue the day they made my pretty ginger and gold speckled tail bleed!" The cat then began to perform an ancient Egyptian death ritual but gave up after a few minutes when he was lured back indoors by the scintillating smell of Whisker's duck liver and rabbit chunks in gravy. Clearly, a very close call for the World's population there as the death ritual had supposedly been taught to one of the ancient Pharaohs by a lipstick wearing alien who thought he was a god.

Lol.